Sarcastic Joe’s thoughts on the NFL Playoffs


Photo via Wikimedia Commons under Creative Commons license

Drew Brees hopes to defeat Tom Brady’s Buccaneers for the third time this season.

Joe Flynn, The Delphi Editor

I know what all my fans are thinking, where was this article last week? My manager has told me to say, “no comment.” Let’s just say Paulie wasn’t too happy about my payments being late, and I got what was coming to me. Anyway, let’s review the playoffs to this point, and the future of the playoffs.

First things first, Josh Allen is not an MVP, and he will never be an MVP. All I hear is Josh Allen this, Josh Allen that, and I’m sick of it already. I wouldn’t trust Josh Allen to throw an accurate pass if his life depends on it, (*cue* joke that was cut for obvious reasons.) Allen isn’t a bad quarterback by any means, but he isn’t Russell Wilson 2.0 like everyone is saying. What do you expect from a guy who has Stefon Diggs, John Brown, and Cole Beasley? Those are three wide receivers who can stretch the field, and run slant routes.

Josh Allen also has dark horse candidate for coach of the year, Sean McDermott, and offensive coordinator Brian Daboll. They have a mediocre to good defense, a smart coach, and an all-pro wide receiver in Stefon Diggs. It’s easy to say that I knew this would happen because hindsight is 20/20, but I knew that this would happen.

The Bills led by Josh Allen are facing the Ravens led by Lamar Jackson. I have to say that I was shocked that the Ravens beat the Titans and made Ryan Tannehill look more lost than me trying to figure out what I can and cannot say. Mike Vrabel was out-coached by John Harbaugh, which isn’t surprising in any way, but Harbaugh looked like he lost control of his team for awhile.

Lamar Jackson didn’t have a great day in terms of passing, throwing one interception against 0 passing touchdowns, but he was running downhill all game. Lamar ran for 136 yards and 1 touchdown on 16 carries, making himself look like the next…should I say it? Nah. If I say it people will be mad. Alright, I’ll say it: the next Michael Vick.

The Ravens finally figured out how to stop Derrick Henry, which very surprising because Henry owned the Ravens. ThIS past year, Henry has been treating the Ravens like a doormat, and the Ravens finally stood up to the 2,000-yard rusher. Marquise Brown finally showed who the top receiver on the team was, and the defense stepped up when it mattered most.

I still can’t see Lamar being “the guy,” meaning I can’t see Lamar stepping up in the playoffs when it matters the most. Facing the Titans is one thing, but facing the Chiefs for the AFC Super Bowl spot is an entirely different thing. When I watch the Chiefs and they’re losing with less than three minutes left in the game, I know Pat Mahomes will lead his offense down the field and score a touchdown. Time after time, I’ve seen Lamar in these situations where he needs to lead his team to a win and he fails to do so.

For those who don’t believe me or doubt my logic, think about last year when the Chiefs were down 24-0 in the Divisional Round. Pat Mahomes didn’t bat an eye, and within five minutes led his team to a comeback and gained the lead, winning 51-31. Would Lamar Jackson lead his team to the win? Heck no; he would’ve choked like James Harden in the playoffs.

Josh Allen may not be a MVP, but I would take Allen over Jackson any day. Harbaugh is a better coach than McDermott, however, McDermott has exceeded expectations, while Harbaugh has underperformed. Vegas has Buffalo favored at -2 this weekend. I’m not surprised. I think that those are very good odds, but Vegas usually has the team with the most stars favored. The Bills will advance to the next round, but not before breaking a sweat.

Staying in the AFC, the Browns face the Chiefs in what will surely be a blowout favoring the Chiefs. I like Baker Mayfield more than most people; I don’t think he’s a superstar like initially expected, and some people are saying that he’s nothing but a better version of Alex Smith. The Browns are an alright team lead by two stellar running backs in Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt. Led by Myles Garrett on defense, the Browns are a formidable opponent. With coach Kevin Stefanski, who is going to be the coach of the year, they aren’t a bad team by any means. However, the only reason they’re in the playoffs is because they won some ugly games. Games that had terrible weather that the Browns muscled out.

I know what the two people still reading this article are saying, talk about the Browns-Steelers game. So I’ll crack a few jokes at the Steelers expense.

Ben Roethlisberger is so unreliable in the playoffs. James Conner is so bad at running back, Mike Tomlin might as well have handed the ball off to a charging rioter. JuJu sucks…. No jokes about JuJu. I just dislike him.

The Browns are going to get hit harder by the Chiefs defense than an innocent fan rioting against Ron Artest. The Chiefs have stars like Patrick Mahomes, Tyreek Hill, Travis Kelce, Mitchell Schwartz, Sammy Watkins, Mecole Hardman, and Le’Veon Bell. That was just the offense. The defense is powered by Tyrann Mathieu, Chris Jones, and Frank Clark. The Browns are going to lose to the Chiefs; I bet the game will be over by halftime. Vegas agrees with me, favoring the Chiefs at -10.

Moving on up like The Jeffersons, the Rams are facing the top-seeded Packers, and I think you all know who I have to favor in this matchup: the bad man, Aaron Rodgers. The Rams somehow pulled off the upset against the Seahawks and will try to pull off another upset.

The Rams beat the Seahawks 30-20, behind running back Cam Akers, and a quarterback with nine fingers. The Rams-Seahawks game was one of the ugliest games I ever saw. Somehow, Jared Goff played the role of game manager with nine functioning fingers and a broken thumb. The Rams won because of the great coaching of Sean McVay, who I think, because of the game, should be considered for Coach of the Year.

Russell Wilson played so badly, I thought that he was possessed…by a 99-year-old grandpa. “Danger-russ” was “use-russ.” That’s trademarked by the way; none of you can use that. The Seahawks either looked like they would be a Super Bowl contender or playing for first pick in the draft. Russell Wilson was the heavy favorite going into the season for MVP, and by week 17 it was clear that he has some work to do before he gets an MVP vote. Wilson threw a lot of interceptions in key situations, and in my opinion, under-utilized D.K. Metcalf. I thought that the Seahawks had the Rams in the bag, and were poised to upset the Packers. Boy was I wrong.

There is no way the Rams beat the Packers; it’s just not a possibility. The Rams have looked really bad this year, and there have been times I said to myself, “This team was in the Super Bowl two years ago?” Maybe that’s why people on the bus looked at me weird? Jared Goff had another terrible year, and he looks like a man with no confidence. It’s not a receiver problem, as the Rams have Cooper Kupp and Robert Woods. Its not a coach problem, as they have Sean McVay who lives for football. It’s a confidence problem.

The Packers have the regular season MVP favorite, Aaron Rodgers, top 5 wide receiver Davante Adams, running back Adam Jones, and tight end Robert Tonyan. The defense is led by Kenny Clark, Preston Smith, Za’Darius Smith, Adrian Amos, and Pro Bowler Jaire Alexander. The Packers are my favorite for being in the Super Bowl, and they will have a pretty easy path. Matt LaFleur is a favorite for Coach of the Year, as well. LaFleur has rejuvenated Aaron Rodgers and the Packers franchise. Vegas agrees with me that the Packers will easily beat the Rams, favoring the Packers at -7.

The last playoff game is the Buccaneers-Saints. A game featuring two legends who are somehow still playing despite being ancient. Those two legends are Drew Brees, and the guy who was beat in the Super Bowl twice by Eli Manning, Tom Brady.

The Saints were an up and down team throughout the year. At one point they were 1-2, before going on a 9-game win streak to finish the season at 12-4. Drew Brees played 12 games this year, being sidelined for four games because of broken ribs. Brees still doesn’t look 100%, although that could be because the nursing home he lives at changed Bingo to after his games. Drew Brees is a top 10 quarterback of all time, however, he can’t throw confidently farther than 10 yards. Age has gotten to Brees, and because of his inability to throw deep, I question how sustainable the Saints offense will be. Although, the Saints did beat the Bucs twice in the regular season, and handily I should add.

The Buccaneers are led by Tom Brady. Brady has a good year on paper, but there were moments where Brady looked like he should ride off into the sunset. Brady threw for 40 touchdowns, but he also threw 12 interceptions. Turnovers have been a problem in crunch time for Brady and the Bucs, and the Saints are a top 5 defense in the league, so I have to question how the Bucs will adjust against a defense who made Brady look like a scrub. The run game is pretty bad, mainly because Bruce Arians seems to forget that a running back is an integral part of an offense. However, the defense is pretty good, led by veteran Jason Pierre-Paul.

I can see either team winning this game, but I have to give the edge to the Saints, only because the Saints beat the Bucs twice in the regular season; however, you can never count out Tom Brady in the playoffs.

Congratulations if you made it to the end of this article, you deserve a medal. A BabaBooey to y’all, and bye for now.