Sarcastic Joe’s thoughts on the NFL Playoffs pt. 2


Photo via Wikimedia Commons under Creative Commons license

Josh Allen hopes to upset the Chiefs and make his first trip to the Super Bowl.

Joe Flynn, The Delphi Editor

Wow, what an entertaining week in football, we got to see Mayfield choke, Mahomes leave the game, Rodgers embarrass the Rams, Jackson do his thing in the playoffs, and two grandpa’s crawl to the finish line.

Last week we didn’t watch any games that will be considered great, or even good. The Packers-Rams game was a hard watch, Mahomes left when the game was getting interesting, Jackson choked, and Brady outdueled Brees. Scratch that, Brees was outdueled by himself.

I was excited to see the Bucs-Saints game. It was obvious that this was Brees’s last game before he checks into a retirement home. And the last time Brady throws an accurate pass before he checks into the hall of fame, and then a retirement home.

The Rams-Packers game was good for ten minutes or so. Rodger’s performance against the Rams reminded me of the fight between Mayweather and McGregor. Like Mayweather, Rodgers entertained the Rams, like Mayweather entertained McGregor. But when it was time to knock their opponent out, they did. The Rams have to swallow their pride and rebuild.

Goff has a serious confidence problem. Sean McVay’s young age has proved his lack of maturity in terms of he doesn’t know when to say when. Right now McVay should go to the Rams GM, and say, “Draft a quarterback, please draft a quarterback!” Goff looks scared to throw downfield, more scared than the thought that he would’ve been replaced if Jamal Adams hadn’t “taken the head off” of their backup quarterback.

The Chiefs-Browns game was pretty good; once Mahomes left, I thought the Chiefs would lose the game. Stefanski idiotically challenged a call that cost the Browns a time out, and eventually the game. What a Browns thing to do: lose to a backup quarterback. Classic Browns lose to a quarterback that wouldn’t even start in the CFL.

Now it’s time to rip into Lame-ar Jackson and the Ravens. BooyahJust call me butter cause I’m on a roll! Lame-ar Jackson, I gotta trademark that because that’s the new nickname of Lamar Jackson. Just like Playoff P for Paul George, Cliff Paul for Chris Paul, and Mitch Kramer for Tim Lincecum. Lamar Jackson got hurt late in the game, but it didn’t matter, he was terrible. He ran for 34 yards on 9 attempts and threw 162 yards along with one interception and no touchdowns. He was flat out bad; you can tell Harbaugh was contemplating signing Joe Flacco quickly and putting him on the field. During halftime, Harbaugh should’ve given the speech from Any Given Sunday, “On this team, we fight for that inch! On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us to pieces for that one inch!” Hey, maybe if Justin Tucker kicked the ball a few inches to the left, the Ravens would be in the conference championship game. Lamar Jackson should have been yelling to his teammates, “Cause we know when we add up all those inches that’s going to make the difference between WINNING and LOSING!”

Unfortunately, none of the speeches mentioned above were given, and the Ravens lost in a nail-bitter 17-3. Did I say nail-bitter? I meant snooze fest, eh not my best. By the time Tucker went on the field to kick the third field goal after missing the first two, he had the look a benchwarmer gets when coach puts him in during crunch time.

Josh Allen wasn’t much better; he was inaccurate and ineffective. But he was better than Jackson. Then again, Taylor Heinicke was better than Lame-ar in the playoffs. I guess the ghost of playoffs past finally caught up to Jackson, but will Jackson ever have the Lamaraissance? Like McConaughey had the McConaissance, coincidentally right after Ghost of Girlfriends Past. I can’t say, people forget that Peyton Manning was labeled ineffective in the playoffs, and went on to win two Super Bowls. All Jackson has to do is win one Super Bowl, and he gets rid of critics like me. The highly influential all-time great: me.

Time to move slowly along to the conference championship games. The Bucs face off against the Packers in another duel between two old quarterbacks. It’s like when you go to a family reunion, and one grandpa is 85 and the other is 66. Brady is like the 85-year-old, and Rodgers the 66-year-old. Rodgers has been showing his age; he’s not scrambling as much, but he is the MVP this season. TB12 is still effective don’t get me wrong, but he does have the best receiving core in the NFL. The Packers secondary is pretty good. Led by Pro Bowler Jaire Alexander, Mike Evans will have his hands full with a pit bull. Old Man Tom will have to deal with Za’Darius Smith, Preston Smith, and Kenny Clark.

Rodgers won’t have an easy path to the Super Bowl. He has to deal with Jason Pierre-Paul, Devin White, Ndamukong Suh, Shaquil Barrett, and Sean Murphy-Bunting. The Bucs’ linebacker core is lethal, and Rodgers old age means he can’t roll out like he used to. When the Bucs blitz, Rodgers will be in trouble. However, I can’t see Rodgers lose to a defense led by Bruce Arians, and with a great run game, the Packers will coast to a win. 

As of right now, the Chiefs don’t have Patrick Mahomes back to 100%, which means they’re going to lose. Chad Henne is the backup who barely closed the game against the Browns. A-Always, B- Be, C-Closing: Always Be Closing! That’s the motto Chad Henne and the Chiefs will have to follow. If Mahomes knows he can’t play, he will have to give Henne a speech. Speech time! “Put that coffee down, coffee’s for closers only!” Henne shouldn’t touch coffee unless he can close out the game against the Bills. Because coffee is for closers.

The Chiefs defense is going has to step up, big time. “The Honeybadger” Tyrann Mathieu will have to show his leadership abilities like he did last year in the Super Bowl. Frank Clark will have to step up as well, along with the linebacker core. Josh Allen has never been in such a big game before, so nerves will be a factor. He wasn’t great against the Ravens last week, but if Allen is the MVP like everyone is saying, now is the time to prove it. 

If Allen doesn’t have it early in the game, I would think that McDermott switches over to the run game until Allen gets his groove back, which is paramount for the quarterback; if he doesn’t have it early he doesn’t have it at all. The run game isn’t that great aside from Allen. Devin Singletary isn’t the running back we all thought he would be, but it’s the playoffs so you never know. 

The Bills defense won’t have that much to handle if Chad Henne is the starter on Sunday. The defense is led by Ed Oliver, Jordan Poyer, Matt Milano, Micah Hyde, and Tre’Davious White, making one of the best defenses in the league. Without Mahomes, the Chiefs are done for. 

If the Chiefs lose to the Bills, they will join teams like ‘92 49ers, , ‘98 Vikings, ‘01 Rams, and the ‘07 Patriots, for best teams to never win a Super bowl. “Welcome to the party pal.” 

Without Mahomes, the Chiefs will lose, but with Mahomes, the Chiefs will win easily.

That’s the matchups: 2 of the 4 teams will be in the Super Bowl, hopefully it’s the Chiefs and Packers. Bababooey to y’all, and bye for now.