The New Jersey State Interscholastic Athletic Association made an unexpected announcement on Wednesday, April 1: all wrestlers across the state must be hospitalized immediately. This shocking news was followed by a stream of backlash from parents across the state.
Why has it happened? Influenza? COVID-19? No. Del Val wrestling coach Andy Fitz has been plaguing everyone in his proximity with his evil wizard powers.
Fitz does not believe that this is an illegal abuse of power.
“I looked through the rule book, and it is not technically illegal to be able to levitate other wrestlers,” Fitz said. “So, we are safe moving forward.”
All of Del Val’s wrestlers have been put under serious spells causing them to win every bout. These successive victories culminated in an undefeated season. Now, all participating athletes are being healed in nearby sanctuaries and hospitals.
After this horrific information was spread across all of New Jersey, Andy Fitz was sent to wizarding jail in Camden, N.J., where he will serve five life sentences for immoral use of his powers.
This pressing issue is one that the Delphi Detectives are currently working to get to the bottom of. The Detectives have found that Fitz is passing on his wizarding magic to the students of Del Val. Fitz also revealed that all of the NJSIAA board members are wizards, too.
The wizarding association is bigger than anyone thought, and if you are a wizard, the Delphi Detectives will catch you.
If you are feeling any of the following symptoms, please let a trusted adult know.
This abuse of powers has not only affected sports enthusiasts all over the world, but also the lives of children. Wrestling has yet to see such a large scandal, and it is unlikely that anything of this magnitude will come again soon. Sometimes a win isn’t just a win.
If you’d like to visit our recovering wrestlers, they are currently being cared for at Hunterdon Medical Center in the magical injuries ward and are welcoming guests.
